My mother passed away on March 27. She had been suffering from an incurable disease called interstitial pneumonia for three years.
I really think that my mother had a strong influence on me growing up. However, during the past few years, I doubted myself and felt as if I could not trust myself, so there was a sad period when I was not able to spend time with my mother. However, as I wrote in my blog last month, even when I thought this would be the last time I would see her face, she would cheerfully pat the foot of her bed and say, "You should sleep here," and we would all laugh. I think the feeling of being a very important person that I am truly lucky to have met, and most of all, I think she always gave me a unique kind of love.
I was not able to see her if she was hospitalized, also she didn’t want to go to a neighborhood terminal care facility, so I talked with my father and older sister about how we could spend time with her at home, and she was going to spend her last days with home nursing and a doctor coming to our house, which was a very difficult experience for me.
There were more people coming in and out of home than I had expected, and the home nursing was not at all what I had expected.
On March 13, my father was alone and informed me that my older sister had a fever and , so I decided to return home. 11 days I spent with my mother after that the length of the day was three times as long usually like the baby was growing but differently, and changing day by day and the day seemed to fly by so fast that you couldn't take my eyes off them even during the night.
She couldn't even walk down the hallway, she had to struggle with the cannula (a device to breathe oxygen through the nose) and the tube to see if the oxygen level would drop, the distance she could walk down the hallway was shrinking day by day, she didn't want to walk to the dining table, she didn't want to put her legs down from the bed, and gradually, in a short time, the things she used to be able to do became difficult to do. It was getting harder and harder, and it should be really painful.
The worst news of the war was on TV, and there was a news report of an earthquake in the middle of the night. My mother can't take a breath anymore. I was looking for something to ease her pain, like cutting grapes into really tiny pieces or playing “Dance of sugar fairy” on the piano, which was out of tune. The sound of the piano, which seemed to be multiplied many times over, was really something I had never heard before.
Thank you so much for looking through this.
I hope you are well♡