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パルスオキシメーターを指につけて酸素飽和度を確認しなければいけないのですが、深く眠りに入るとどうしても訪問看護の方からの指示通りではガクッと数値が下がり、酸欠状態になってしまうので、母が眠っていても気が抜けない感じになってしまいました。
そんな夜カニューレのロゴがどう見ても遠く霞んでvotlow..え？酸素だからAquaとかそう言う文字なんじゃないのかなと、さらに真夜中にぼーっと見つめるとこれは逆に装着されているんでは、その3日前にチューブからその酸素を取り込む部分の付け替えをお願いした時に間違えてしまわれたんではと不安になりました。
次の日、そのことを伝えるより先に看護師さんが「これ、付け替えて良いですか。」と言って帰った後、ロゴがATOMとハッキリ読めるようになっていて、そう言えば髪の毛の上から医療用テープを必ずペターってはるし、母がボディーソープで髪を洗ってしまったって母自身が悪いみたいに話していたけれど、あれもおかしくない？と、急に最高に嫌な気持ちに。⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎！！！っと本当に悲しい気持ちになったのです。
それでもそう言った事は直接母の寿命を縮めたわけでもなく、ただ嫌なだけの出来事なので、相手は悪びれずに「酸素の供給量には関係ない」となにか言いながら視線の隅で手を振っていたけれど、すでに母は安静時に3Lの酸素が必要になっていて、わたしはその人物を信頼できなくなっていました。
My sister told me that she had found a love letter from my mother to my father in an unlocked cabinet in a remote, and after a week of spending time with my mother without time to look at it, though I was concerned, I really felt like crying because my oxygen levels were more difficult to stabilize than ever.
On such nights, the cannula logo was far away and hazy and ‘votlow’ no matter how you look at it... Huh? I thought that since it was oxygen, the letters might be Aqua or something like that, and furthermore, when I stared blankly at it in the middle of the night, I began to wonder if this was attached in the opposite direction.
I was worried that she had made a mistake when father had asked her to replace the part that takes in oxygen from the tube three days earlier.
The next day, before I could tell her that, the nurse said, "Can I replace this?" and left, and the logo was clearly readable as ATOM. She always put medical tape over my mother’s hair, and she talked about my mother washing her hair with body soap as if it was her own fault, but isn't that strange too? And suddenly I feel supremely uncomfortable. ⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎!!! I was really sad.
The lady waved her hand out of the corner of his eye, saying something like, "It has nothing to do with the oxygen supply," but my mother already needed 3L of oxygen at rest, and I didn't trust that person. I was no longer able to do so.
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